Immortality is the Theme

I guess it's always been one of my only sources of frustration: a lack of time. It's not simply enough to spend my time in a wise and/or enjoyable manner; I'm obsessed with being, I don't know, "up to date" in everything. I still try to see every movie that looks remotely interesting as they come out, scooping up the missed ones at the dollar theatre. I always have a giant pile of books to "get through." And lately I've been reading up a lot of art history, philosophy, photography, filmmaking, geography, and even science, but I still lack that feeling of completion. It feels very much like you're typical uphill battle, a hill that lacks a top. I have this problem filtering out things I really, really enjoy from the things I feel obligated to do/study/etc.

What worries me most is I know it's only going to get worse from here. Can you imagine me trying to decide on classes in college? It's going to be a nightmare. I think I'm going to have to figure out which things I can learn about on my own in a book and which things I should take actual classes in. I know it's ridiculously cliche but ther are quote so many things to experience and not enough time to do them. My list is endless...and the worst part is most of them are not one-time experience-type things. I don't want to just fly an airplane once...I want to make it a frequent thing. I don't want to just go rock climbing...I want to be a rock climber, golfer, hiker, biker, etc...

It takes a huge amount of time to just remember the things I want to do. I can't even imagine the amount of time it'll take me to do them. The funny thing is...I have an actual list. Written up and everything...a running list actually. It gets added to with a terrifying frequency. The travel alone will take a huge amount of time. I don't mean to make any of this sound like a chore or an obligation (although I think I used that exact word). I do genuinely enjoy the type of things I've discussed...that's, perhaps, the problem.

In truth, I hope I have a succesful career early, so I can, seriously, sort of vanish out of the public spot light and go on a classic adventure. I'll sail and rock climb and ski and race dogs and go flying and trek through the jungle and canoe and really see the world from a lot of perspectives. Then, maybe, I'll feel inclined to return to filmmaking and with any luck have a really unique world view and sort of infuse my work with that. It sounds hopelessly planned out and it's kind of funny to word it so exactly, but these are my...what do you call them?...hopes. I'm not sure how long the "adventure" will take. A year...five...ten...I expect I'll come across a stopping point. I genuinely want to live out of a bag and see where life takes me...no strings, contrainsts, etc. It's going to make family-age difficult, but that has never been a priority for me anyway.

Does anyone out there feel this way? Everyone, maybe? I have to know everything and more importantly sense (see, touch, smell, etc.) everything in person. The world is like this beautifully complex place and I want to hold it all in my memories at once...hopefully to relate it to others...to save them the "trouble" or inspire them to seek the same thing. I sort of understand that I sacrafice a lot of traditional experiences for this kind of lifestyle, but I think it appeals to me more. Maybe I won't own a big home and fill it with things and have children and all of these classic things, but...maybe there will be time for that too. Later. I mean, people live a long time. Not nearly long enough, but I've only wasted like a little more than a fifth of my life (hopefully) in Rochester...

It all boils down to being able to totally own someone in a conversation, I think. I totally want to be that guy with the crazy adventure stories...or that always has some opinion people are seeking...or whatever...it's a lot of work, though.And of course, lot's of pictures and journal entries to document it all...

I've been thinking a little more about it and I guess the only thing I really lack is a good travel partner. That's the key.

Seriously, does anyone else feel this way? Anyone? Hello? Any takers?