Are You Gelling?

I bet Eric $2,000 inflation-adjusted that I'd circumnavigate the world in a sail boat by the time I'm fifty-years-old. Wish me luck!

My Dad

This is my living room right now.

The floor is covered with bank statements.

They are my Dad's. He has all of them for as long as he's had financial dealings. It kind of creeps me out.

The Journey

Just because this journal has been a bit to intellectual lately and I don't want to give the wrong impression here is a pleasant anecdote (with picture guides) from a few weeks ago:

So a while back I was at Dan's house with Eric and we decided that it was imperative that we consume a gigantic amount of macaroni and cheese...

So we head out at about sunsent and pile into Dan's car screaming and convulsing in pain as a response to the frigid temperature.


The journey was to be perilous. Risk was unspoken but dangerously present.


Eric refused to pause his Gameboy even though his hands were freezing.


I felt a sickening nervousness swelling from my stomach as the car lurched to a stop in the parking lot. Might have been the hunger though.


Dan, fearing for the safety of our escape vessel, checked the locks as we prepared to enter evil's lair.


Later he used the Gameboy to hide his fear as we neared our destination...


Dan scouts ahead, ever vigilant for perils.

We head inside and desperately search for the Holy Grail, but are thwarted by the reorganization tatics of the Wegman's management.

After much unnecessary cursing we neared our prize...

We tasted victory...and it tasted like powdered dairy.


Noodles in hand, we made haste to regroup and begin preparations for phase two.


The sky was ablaze with our glory.


Dan boiled the elbows and began to add the cheese.

He turned to us saying, "Don't get your hopes up. We may have overcooked them."


Nervous but resolute, we encouraged him to press on.

The macaroni and cheese turned out to be poorly made, but more importantly in far too great a quantity. We barely tackled a third of the pot and retreated to youth group.


Then Baglio had a shovel.


And Eric showed his religious side.

Achilles' Heel

It's been a little over a week since I last updated because, frankly, I've barely been home long enough to sleep in that time span, much less get on the computer to record thoughts. This past week was, of course, as we affectionately dub it, "Hell Week" as far as musical goes. I've never observed it to be excesively "hellish" and this year was not particularly different. More or less or something. I think the fact that time is generally spent rehearsing the bigger numbers into the ground is a major contributer in the relatively small challenge the week presents to me. I'm not exactly in any big numbers. By that I mean I'm not in any big numbers. You'd think I would've spent all that freetime at practice doing something productive...like homework, for instance. But, alas no, here I am...Sunday night...and a pile of homework looms over me like similes marching around the brain of a more inspired writer.

In addition to the rehearsing I also started working a lot this week at the carwash. Yea. Thank God I make a lot of money doing it or I'd have difficulty mustering the motivation to go in. Between that, an unprecented amount of cast parties, and a futile attempt to stay in contact with friends I slept all of three or four hours a night this week. Luckily I had a relaxing weekend of fasting on a lumpy coach in a drafty basement at St. Cecilia's to get my strength back. Long story long, I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow. It's going to be one of those days where you spend every class doing the homework for the next class and never end up being completely succesful.

The famine itself was alright. I enjoy not eating. It puts eating in perspective. It's unfortunate that all the hungry people that the famine was symbolically gesturing at don't have the luxury of gorging themselves on pizza at the "end." It felt futile at times. It always does. We're a country of wasters and indulgers and I'm no better than anyone else. In my experience some people just feel more guilty than others...it's a rare person who actually does anything about their guilt regardless of the size. That's my glass half-empty comment for the night.

Anyway, here's to a vacation of sorts. Or whatever is left of it. And here's to transforming stress into white noise. It's a constant. Get over it.

Doublethink

Two things to talk about, I suppose. The first is a sort of rethink of my future. I mean...as much as I love the whole filmmaking thing, the more I think about it the more I want to go to medical school and study psychiatry. I don't know how that would fit into my transient lifestyle...maybe it wouldn't...maybe that's the point. Maybe I want to settle down in New York City catch a lot of culture and have a steady paycheck and a challenging, rewarding job that allows me to have some structure and predictability to my life. That doesn't sound like me...but I really like the idea of wearing a labcoat.

On Friday we went to do this lab at University of Rochester and I just kept on thinking about how cool it would be to be an intern at a hosptial...and then do my residency...and blah blah blah. Maybe it's because of all the Scrubs and ER I've been watching lately. I don't know. I'm not done with the filmmaking thing...but maybe I've got a second career in mind for when I get tired out from moving around so much. I really need to stop planning things so far ahead. I knew I wanted to go to NYU and study film when I was like four and now I'm already disillusioned by it. How sad.

What was the other thing to say? Oh. Yes. We've been doing all these debates in English class over the last few days and they're getting me really, really frustrated. It makes me angry to think that people feel this way. I like to be sympathetic and open-minded (or at least give that impression) but I can't understand people that are for things like capital punishment but are against mercy killing and abortion. There are times where I go as far to think that a really moral person should let himself be killed stubbornly standing by pacifism. When people tell me that we had to go to war as a preventitive measure I wonder if I'd think it was just to go into a defensive war. Are there good reasons for killing someone? I don't know...I'm not saying I wouldn't defend myself...what I am saying is that it wouldn't be ethical to kill a man to save my life. So...I'd be in the wrong, defending myself. There are lots of things we feel we have to do even though they're wrong. That doesn't make them any less wrong. I feel that murder is the same thing.

While I'm up here on my high horse, I guess I'll take a second to talk about my frustrations about world hunger. Whenever people tell me that the United States is the greatest nation on the planet I get this disgusted feeling in my stomach. How can there be an obesity epidemic on one side of the planet and a hunger epidemic on the other? What's so great about us? We over indulge ourselves and ignore problems outside of our communities? We use our religions to defend the things we want and ignore the parts that make life less comfortable for us? Murder is wrong when it involves the unborn baby of a rape victim or when someone is dying of a painful terminal disease, but it's fine and dandy when our beautiful country is in danger? These are the qualities of the greatest nation on the planet? I don't remember the part of the Bible that ammended the Ten Commandments to allow wartime killing. I must've skimmed over that part too quickly.

Dismount.

Static

It's been a bit of time hasn't it? It always seems that when you have the time to write about yourself there is very little to say and when stuff is actually going on (that is worth recording) there is little ambition to record it. That's not suprising. It makes perfect sense.

Musical is an up and down sort of thing. Currently it's not going so well, but there have been quite a few good periods between now and the last time I wrote here...although, ironically, I was annoyed about it then too. I've got a lot of work to do, but at least I know what I have to do and the guidance is excellent. Sometimes. Things are going to come together nicely very quickly, I think. There are many parts of the show I feel are in performance shape...some parts aren't even comparable to that. It happens. We're motivated this year, I think. We'll see. There are lots of obstacles may prevent the show from being as good as it can be, but whatever. That's life. Show business. Blah, blah, blah. Or I could be totally wrong. It might be amazing. What do I know?

The movie is going amazingly well. I'm so excited about the last few days of filming. We got the dreaded hospital room scene done with only minor difficulties and we're nearly back on schedule. We may even film the other hospital scenes in the Foreman Center because the hallways look rather hospital-esque. My motivation often wanders when it comes to this film, but I feel that overall it'll getting done...we're through some of the hard stuff and it's starting to take shape. Plus, if I have one skill it's editing...and being creative in fixing problems. That's what I was told over the summer anyway.

I've been getting more sleep lately, which is adding to the increased general happiness about life. I'm also relearning how to relax and let things happen. I used to be very good at that. Dance class could be worse. I'll hold off on judging that until I've experienced more of it, however. I think, pretty much, I'm settling in to senior year, finally. I plan on enjoying what's left and really taking advantages of highschool-age advantages. While keeping on this movie and everything else, of course. I'm looking forward to Dan being done with swimming too.

The only thing that's kind of rocky is the whole school thing. I imagine my grades are slipping...I wouldn't know...I'd have to go to class to find out. Mr. Borland called us out on it, but hopefully we'll learn from it and it'll be water under the bridge...or something.

So, yea, for the moment things are okay. Not perfect. Okay. Perfection is a pursuit anyway. Wise people say that and I'm forced out of respect to politely agree. Last year was...rough...but I think the things that can be repaired are. Maybe I'm more independent now. Maybe not. I'm just glad to be content with the present. I so rarely experience that, but it's here.

I can't wait for break next week. I break up the school year into phases that are bordered by breaks. The beginning of the year until Christmas break is Phase I. Phase II is from Christmas break until February break. Phase III is my favorite part of the year...in between February break and Spring break. It always goes fast and I'm usually at my happiest then. Spring break to the end of the year is always a real pain, but...who knows...we've got a lot of stuff for the movie scheduled so it might be all right. Or the worst ever. I'll wait and see.

Stop Wasting Time

I've never been much for recording random complaints in so public of a manner, but I feel like if I don't vent I'm going to strangle a baby or something.

Today has just been one of those days, ya? First of all, my stepdad is going to sell his MGB because there will be no room for it in the garage for it when they buy this SUV monstrosity tomorrow. I like the MGB a lot. Sure, it's a crappy British roadster that peeks out at about 60 miles per hour. Sure it rides like go-cart. But it's fun.

I don't have the energy for this week, I think. The weekend was not, via any interpretation of the word, relaxing. We were up late at Kevin's on Friday night getting everything organized and prepared for the big shoot. We got up early to set up on Saturday morning and I was back and forth between tutoring and musical pracitce in addition to setting up the most elaborate set I've ever conceived (especially in comparisson to it's screen time).

When we were finally finished...moments before I had dozens of people scheduled to arrive, adults included, the head janitor started to give us a hard time about being there even though we had verbal permission of Mr. Laniak. He would take nothing short of direct communication between him and Mr. Laniak to believe our claims. Luckily we got Mr. Laniak on his cellphone, bothering him at home on a Saturday, so he could confirm the permission. Yea, we're not having very good luck with janitors, are we?

The set looked great, but many complications have me worried about how the footage came out. First of all I didn't have a lot of time to set up tripods and stuff because of the setting sun and the rain, so I did a lot of handheld shots...risky. Then we didn't have enough time to do the conversational part of the scene. We at least utilized the extras to the greatest possible extent. I think we're going to rewrite it so the dialogue happens in other scenes. Whatever.

Saturday night I went to Aida at Greece Athena, which was uncomfortably good. The really stunning section of Nubia where the pit drops out and the chorus goes into this crazy harmony made me cringe with envy in my seat. It also got me ridiculously motivated to work on our show. I literally got home at like 1 and worked on my part until like three or four in the morning.

Sunday I woke up early, after like three or four hours of sleep, completely energized and unable to fall back asleep. I ran around the house, literally, until twelve when Kevin and I went to school to finish cleaning the courtyard. Then I went to the super bowl party and fought to stay awake. When I got home, however, I was so wide awake that I watched Scrubs until two and had to wake up at five to run.

After musical practice today, though, my motivation is back to zero. I spent most of the afternoon trying to help the disgustingly neglected acting ensemble, but got yelled at repeatedly for "talking on stage." At least the cast received my help extremely well...I think. I'm just going to keep on doing it. I don't care how many times I get yelled at. I wish we got some feedback. I wish they learned how to communicate in a manner that doesn't have people angry and depressed. I wish they would give us a chance to be cooperative before they resort to yelling and lecturing. I think the cast needs a moral boost or something. There is no way we're going to pull off the huge progess we rely on this month if things keep on going the way they're going now. Positive reenforcement goes a long way. I don't think it's just me. I never got annoyed by musical practice any other year. Not this much anyway.

A Gaping Wound Tells the Story of It All

I wonder if 2005 will go down as the worst year of my life. I'm pretty confident.